02/21/23
We've all had those mornings when things in the state of the world do not feel "right." Today was my morning -- Dad was still in bed when I left for the office, at 6:45, which is unusual for him - he's a very early riser. As in, rise and move to the chair and nap while watching morning news.
Mom called at 1:00 - he had a bad morning and multiple calls were made to the doctor - and well, they never answer fast enough. The jist of the problem - antibiotics. Perhaps. He's been on antibiotics for a foot ulcer for almost three weeks and they think it is causing an issue with his digestive track. So we are waiting to collect a "sample."
He's weak, tired and battle weary. This event fells rough, rougher than the hospital stay 10 days ago. Yesterday was supposed to be his PET scan - but once they got over there - the machine wouldn't fire up. What the hell. Today was blood work -- didn't happen and tomorrow oncology - cancelled it yesterday with the weather forecast.
It's been rough.
I have 3 file boxes of work, a case of paper and a toner cartridge with me. Loaded docs on one drive and the plan is to work at home for at least Wednesday and Thursday. I don't know what Friday will bring.
I'm beginning to really hate winter.
02/22/23
It was a short night on Daisy Lane. I heard people noises and got up to investigate - bathroom break, restlessness and a too loud tv. I went to get paper towel to clean up cat barf and while the clean up was happening, I looked over and the pisser was peeing on my bedroom floor. I was not a happy woman. Floor, blanket that was hanging over the edge -- I was torqued. More clean up and laundry.
Mind you - #2 is sleeping soundly -- I don't sleep well when the room has the cat aroma -- even after scrubbing -- the cat smell and the pine sol smell are not pleasant. I moved to the recliner. -- More people noise -- another bathroom trip. I gave up and went to the basement and went to work. 3:00am.
Elder isn't looking very good -- he's not eating or drinking enough today - but, to be blunt, we were able to get a large enough stool sample to the clinic - waiting on results.
I have an entire file box of tax returns done. It's going pretty well - lots of interruptions, I rolled the phones to my cell and email is always flipping in ...
02/23/23
It's real. This morning at 4:00am after a restless night of no sleep, he asks me "when does the hospital open?" We've had these conversations before. At 5:00 - he was ready to go. I called Jean -- she and Lee arrived with the snowplow and plowed a path to the hospital -- where, they were waiting for us.
The congestive heart failure is real - and probably untreatable. The options were (1) intensive -- w/transfers to a cardiac ICU, somewhere (2) do nothing or (3) more lasix, antibiotics and probably, hospice/comfort care.
While sitting in the er room -- he told Nick and I, he wouldn't be coming home. It was a hard conversation - thru this entire journey - his goal was to make it to Nick's wedding in September. I hoped that would happen -
02/25/23
The journey ended 3:00ish yesterday afternoon. I went to the hospital first thing in the morning, love the small town hospital that lets me in at 6:00 -- he had had a restless night -- Thursday night he had spiked a high fever and that had broke but -- was restless. There was a nap and mid morning the nursing staff was quite alarmed over the fact he had c-diff and we were not wearing protective gowns and gloves -- and following their protocols. Dr Ingh stopped and did a nice job explaining the c diff and it's consequences .. it's then your heart knows it's going to be a tough road.
After he woke up and we were "gowned" up ... Joe left and I went to the office, because I'm always needed at the office (or so I think) . kept a client appointment and once clients left attempted to organize the office chaos, answered phones and when my cell phone rang from the shop (while some idiot was bitching about his taxes on the other phone) -- I knew the call was the call --
It was a peaceful exit, Mom and Jean were there -- the fight is over and it was an epic battle -- there are some things that we cannot control
At some level on Tuesday morning I knew this was going to be a bad week. The shift yesterday from the congestive heart failure to the c diff issue and the doctor conversation -- we just don't know God's plans until they happen.
I slept last night -- for the first time in months -- I slept straight thru to rise and shine time (3:30) .. I've got the washing machine rolling. Dishwasher is ready to roll, bed made and clean clothes folded. I'm going to head into the office and tame the chaos, pack up some projects and roll back to home -- I have no idea what's happening down there .. being closed on Tuesday and Wednesday, the impending farm deadline and just general weird shit.
I don't know if and when I'll ever post this - it (and the rest of the blog) at times has been my release valve - I'm a journal-er -- I haven't jotted much in my paper journal -- at least since NYE -- might dash back to that for a couple of months. I went back to a paper journal at the start of the plague - just to jot down happenings and thoughts ..
I don't know -- I just bounce around, the mind is a funny thing -- it keeps us hopping.
02/26/23
And I started my Sunday morning at the computer at 4:15 am .. I did sleep well, until 3:30 .. when the OMG moment arrived -- I couldn't remember if I put the food in the fridge. Family friend Keith brought a roaster of pulled pork and I had it cooling on the counter. Someone put it in the fridge -- I know it was not me.
As the day progressed - the acceptance and newness of our normal set in ... I took a walk and checked out the yard. We were blessed with visiting family and friends .. and food .. I spent some time at the office attempting to control the chaos. I will be back this morning for appointments and actual "work" because it needs to get done.
I miss my Dad. My 62 year old mind knows he's in a good place, I just need to convince my heart -- I've got a couple projects today that are going to set me over the edge .. I need to do some snowplowing clean ups and I know my mind will be chanting "f-ing water doesn't run up hill - don't pile that shit up there" .. and I might be brave and hop in his tractor/snowblower unit and move even more of that shit. His love/hate relationship with snow was epic.
