Adventure Day 3 - the reason

    Dad was very explicit/reflective/intuitive in his last weeks.  We (I) didn't realize how close the end was but those last weeks were filled with a lot of life lessons, wisdom and wishes.

    Today - we fulfilled one of the wishes -- we left a part of his ashes at one of his favorite places.  The resort they spent most of their time --- some next to a rock and Lee/Nick & Rachael are leaving some near a favorite fishing spot.

     As much as I looked forward to this family trip -- the ultimate reason was to leave a piece of our hearts here.  Grief is such a funny emotion -- today, a little over 18 months and damn, the loss feels more real than many other days.  Generally, those moments hit when I'm in hour 5 of mowing the damn lawn.  

    Mom did pretty well with our moment today -- or at least I think so -- the whole journey has been loaded with memories and since she rode with me all the way ... it's been a constant stream.  I'm sure tomorrow on the voyage home she is going to crash.  Her health is fragile and this has been a lot .. a lot of memories, a lot of physical -- (not her bed, not her chair, not her bathroom) change.  Leaving tomorrow will be rough -- I think she know in her heart this is her last trip up here too ....

   

    

       We're kind of rookies with this closure thing -- but I'm learning/adapting every day with emotions -- not only mine, but everyone elses -- our world kind of flipped and the growing into the new one is taking time.  I just didn't realize how much time .. and how much change --   Yes, the big changes were expected -- but the little changes. They are the ones that zap when least expected.  I think those zaps are okay -- 

    I just don't do change well -- I'm learning, I think, I hope, I know ... I will always work on it ...