today is my birthday and since the pandemic arrived my mood/outlook swings dramatically between horror, acceptance to "who gives a shit" .. sorry, some days there are no words to describe the feelings that keep swirling ... the highs and lows .... are exhausting ...
60 -- today, I'm 60 --
the last 8 months -- all I've been able to do is react -- react to chaos -- I don't like that ... I think my brain works better when it has to act in an orderly sequence .. I need to get back to normal ...
so I spend way to much time whining about losing my "normal" and wallowing in the pitty party -- and then wham! I see or read something that jolts my reality ..
I have so many blessings ... I do, truly I do -- my wish for my 61st year is to celebrate those blessings ... I fear the chaos is going to continue and to survive I have to be a) strong, b) resilient, c) orderly and d) engaged.
I'm a planner/plotter/list maker -- back on NYE I made a list of 60 things I was going to do -- to celebrate my 60 years --- and 2 things on that damn list actually happened .. granted - life got in the way ..
so for my 61st year -- I'm just going to roll with the flow :) ( and if you believe that ------ ) ... just keep chanting -- let it go, let it go, let it go ...
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